Deep Impact.

The first 5 years of our lives are possibly the most crucial ones. They mould us into the persons we grow up to be later in our life. Incidents, good or bad and mostly the bad ones, during those first 5 years drastically affect the decisions that we take for the rest of our lives.However trivial maybe the incident but the impact that it leaves on the young wax-like minds is anything but insignificant. These so-called petty incidents maybe seemingly forgotten in the later years but they are preserved in some secluded corner of our brain for the rest of our lives and they will crop up at the most unexpected moments.

I have been victim of one of these ugly incidents when I was young. No, I wasn’t sexually or physically harassed, my torture was more mental and subtle. As insignificant as it may sound, the wounds left from them are still alive in that corner of my mind. I think I can trace back the roots of almost all my insecurities to those series of events that happened when I was young. They weren’t really incidents per se, they were usual things that happen to almost everyone of us but they left a long lasting impact on me.

Being the youngest of all my cousins I was not really loved or pampered by them as normally would be the case, I was rather made the butt of all their jokes. Any festive occassion, be it weddings, birthday parties, etc brought all my cousins together to ‘celebrate’. I think when they all got together a kind of mob mentality took over and they chose the weakest among their herd (read: me) and started picking on me, ridiculing me. It was all in the name of having ‘harmless’ fun but no one suspected the consequences it will have on my self esteem. I don’t think they even intended to hurt me but that doesn’t change the fact that it did hurt. A lot. To this day, I vividly remember a number of incidents where I was laughed at and made fun of. I think they made me feel worthless and I think I still feel that way. This has crushed my self-esteem.

And since everything in life teaches you something, this thing gave me a bit of wisdom too and today I make it a point to respect my young brother and I refrain from laughing at things he cannot do. I am glad to say that the things that have taken away my self-confidence have made me a better elder sister.

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4 Responses to Deep Impact.

  1. Gaurav says:

    maiden blog entry? well a good one to start . . wish all elder sisters thot like dis , hehe ..

    On a more serious note, well worded neat. you should be active here.

  2. Harshad says:

    You write pretty damn neat…. succinct, to the point and clear. I disagree with your experience though….. I’ve been tortured just as much by my cousins. But luckily I also remember how much they loved me and things they did for me.

    One thing that you could realise as you grow up is… who affects who you are? Only you can do that… so you’re the only person who can affect your worth. So, you should be the only one whose actions affect your self esteem.

  3. meena says:

    Well swetheart, these incidences shape what you are. And alls well that ends well. Cliche i know but it makes u a better person. Its our experiences that makes us. I am sure when your youinger brother calls you the best sister ever, you will feel its worth it. As harshad says, cousins r born to ridicule. I am glad that you never indulged in it.

  4. Neeru says:

    Hey, I understand this blog PERFECTLY. I feel that i can relate to it – believe me, that shows you’re an effective writer. I feel glad I ever thought and even told you that you should start writing a blog 🙂 (remember?) I find your writing to-the-point, quite straight and beautifully easy to understand and even relate to. I’m so proud of you! 🙂
    Keep writing. You’ve got a long way to go!

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