Lock, stock and barrel.

September 20, 2007

I love old school phrases and expressions. I love to the see the look of bewilderment on people’s faces when I use these rare phrases. It is the only way I can make myself feel superior to people I despise. When I say people I despise, I specifically mean those airhead, oh-I-am-so-cool, snobby, snooty girls who give disgusting look to those who dare to wear things that these fashion aficionados don’t like! I have come across more than my share of people like these. These girls think, I mean THINK that they are oh-so-cool because they wear halter-tops over corduroy jeans and have perfectly tanned arms. They will only converse or talk in English when they are in public and when they are in full knowledge of the fact that others are gaping at their ‘rare art’ of speaking English so eloquently. BAH!

The first class of the local is full of these specimens. Most of them get on board from Dadar. These are “uber-cool working” girls who will not, under any circumstances let any word in Hindi or their mother tongue escape their tongues. These people really live in their own little word. So much so that I have come across such lowly people that they would so much as ask people to show them their “first class” pass when they don’t look as good as them or they don’t dress as well as most of the people there. Such revolting behaviour that it makes me want to strangle them then and there. These people seem to find new depths to descend to every time you think they have hit rock bottom.

The word ‘Materialistic’ has been given a new meaning here. A friend once remarked to me “How could we have beetle juice stains in First Class?”. Can people who eat paan not have money? Or People who do have money don’t eat paan? Paan for thought, eh?


K-9 Crisis.

September 10, 2007

I hate dogs!
You know what I hate even more than dogs? Dogs at people’s home! You know what I hate even more than dogs at people’s homes? People who give me look of utter disbelief when I tell them the above facts.

Over the years I have cultivated many intelligent people as my friends. As intelligent and smart as these people are, one thing about them escapes my reasoning power is why these people, who are intelligent and smart, like dogs and keep them in their houses?!? Dogs are animals. They aren’t meant to be kept inside your house. When I say inside, I also mean your front yard or backyard which is technically outside but for dogs it is INSIDE!!! If dogs were meant to live in people’s houses we would be able to give birth to them and since we can’t I, think its safe to assume that dogs are meant to live on streets.

These dog-lovers adore their dogs more than they love their parents. If this is not enough, these dog-lovers expect everyone who goes to their place to love their dogs more than they love their own parents. These people cannot or, I suspect, would not understand or acknowledge the fact that there are (normal) people on this planet who do not like dogs.

In my defense, have perfectly logical reasons for not liking dogs at people’s house. For one, these canine “cuties” are all over you as soon as you so much as put your foot on the other side of the threshold of their house, they lick you at places where you wouldn’t even let your boyfriend do it and they will not STOP BARKING (they bark for apparently NO REASON). If this was not enough, at the end of the day you find yourself covered with dog hair from head to toe!! We don’t want dog hair on our body. We have enough of hair as it is, that require us to make a very painful trip to the salon every month! HOT WAX!!! *straight face*.

How to detect if the dog is vicious when you enter your friends place? Look for phrases like “My (enter: dog name) doesn’t bite”, “All he does is jump on you and lick” and “He just barks, that’s it” when the dog-lover talks about his dog.

These people would never accept the fact that DOGS BITE!
DL-“My dog doesn’t bite”
Me- “Oh yeah, your brother does” *straightest face ever*
They are dogs, if they won’t bite then who will? You?

PS: The above article wasn’t intended to hurt any of my friend’s feelings. I like dogs who are not hyperactive. In fact, I do like pugs, who look more like pigs to me.